


Than I've Ever Been

by J (jaywright)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Huddling For Warmth, Multi, Resolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:48:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29471232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaywright/pseuds/J
Summary: Caleb thought of the ninth floor.  Of endless possibilities branching out from a single point, of the moments on which millions of possible futures rested.  He stepped forward, and he took Jester's hand.
Relationships: Fjord/Jester Lavorre, Fjord/Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 32
Kudos: 132





	Than I've Ever Been

**Author's Note:**

> takes place vaguely between C2E120 and C2E124 (playing fast & loose with travel timelines and spell slots), and veers off into a night in Nicodranas instead of the events of C2E125. 
> 
> contains additional discussion of previous Caleb/Astrid/Eadwulf and Fjord/probably Sabien.

_Oh._

The moment of recognition came to Caleb as he sat alone in the darkness, in the cold, with the snow falling gently down on top of the dome. They settled in across from him, Jester curling against Fjord's chest, his arm wrapping around her. They were comfortable in each other's space, her body folding slack and trusting against his side, his head tilting to rest against hers, careful of the horns.

Caleb watched, and he _knew_.

He wrapped Frumpkin around his neck like a scarf, and he stared out into the darkness.

______________

By the time they settled in for another night, they had traveled far, and his body was tight and aching with exhaustion. He didn't let his eyes fall on Jester and Fjord as he stretched out against the cold ground, listening to the quiet sounds of them curling up together behind him. Instead, he pressed closer to Beau, and he closed his eyes, willing himself into a restless sleep.

He woke in the morning overheated, warmth pressing along his back, an arm draped heavy and strong over his waist. He kept his eyes closed and dropped a hand to it, absently letting it rest there against the soft warm skin of a wrist, feeling the strength in the muscles beneath his touch. 

The arm pulled him tighter, and he felt Jester let out a pleased snuffle against the back of his neck.

He woke as thoroughly and suddenly as if a cold bucket of water had been tossed over him. He cracked his eyes open to find Beau and Fjord sitting up against the far end of the dome, in low conversation. Veth was sprawled near him, taking over as much of the space that Beau had vacated that her small body could fill.

And Jester was pressed entirely against his back, her face burrowed into his neck, her knees spooned up behind his.

His body went stiff as he pulled away from her, wrapping his fingers around her wrist carefully to pry her arm off of him, but she tugged him back against her. 

" _Caleb_ ," she murmured in protest. "You're warm." 

He felt his face grow hot with the realization that she was aware of who was next to her, that she hadn't curled up to him in her sleep thinking that he was someone else. He patted her wrist gently. "The dome's going to go away soon," he said, already acutely aware of how much time had passed since he had cast it.

"Hasn't yet," she mumbled. "That means it's still bedtime."

He breathed out a weak little laugh, " _Ja_ ," he agreed. "Okay, Jester." He let himself stay in her grasp, but his body felt tight and stiff beside hers, unable to relax, and eventually she pulled her arm back from him, propping herself up on a hand to look down at him disapprovingly. 

"You're not as good at this when you're not sleeping," she said accusingly.

"Well," he said, "I am a tense person." His muscles ached from the walking, from sleeping on the ground, and he reached up a hand to rub at the back of his neck. 

"Oh, good," he heard Beau say. "You're up."

"Up," Caleb objected, "is a strong word."

Fjord scooted toward them, settling into the bit of space left beside Veth, who predictably stretched out a foot to kick him. Caleb tensed under Fjord's gaze, trying again to pull away from Jester, but she kept a firm grip on him, dragging him close and burying her face against his neck. 

"Stop _wiggling_ , Caleb," she objected. "I'm still sleeping!"

"You're not," Caleb replied, meeting Fjord's eyes guiltily, but instead of the suspicion and jealousy he expected to see there, Fjord was grinning down at both of them.

"He's right," he agreed, reaching past Caleb to ruffle Jester's hair. "You're not. You're awake, and we should all be up. The Tomb Takers are already out and about." He clapped his hand to Caleb's shoulder as he pulled his hand back. "Just drop the dome if she won't let you go," he suggested. "The cold should do it."

"I'm resistant to cold," Jester objected, but when Caleb felt the dome shimmer and disappear around them, she let out a betrayed gasp. "Caleb!"

"I didn't do that," he said, extracting himself from her arms. "Time's up,"

"Ah, good morning!" he heard Lucien call from a distance, and he and Jester let out matching groans. Fjord stood, offering them both a hand up.

"Time to get this show on the road," he said.

Caleb took his hand first, letting Fjord take some of his weight as he struggled to his feet. He didn't mean to watch, exactly, as Jester took his other hand, bounding up with more energy than her protests would have suggested, but his eyes caught on them anyway, on the tight grip of Jester's fingers around Fjord's, the way Fjord's other hand dropped from Caleb's grasp to catch her around the waist.

"Morning," she said quietly to Fjord, low and private. The smile he gave her in return was as bright as the snow around them.

Caleb turned away, busying himself with nudging Veth with the toe of his boot.

"I don't want to spend another day looking at their stupid faces," she muttered into the crook of her arm. "That Otis gives me the creeps."

"All the more reason not to let her catch you off your guard like this," Caleb pointed out. "On your feet, Brenatto."

Veth grumbled, but she hauled herself up to stand beside him by the time Lucien appeared over the soft rise of snow. Fjord stepped forward to greet him, the cozy atmosphere of their camp shattered as quickly and easily as the dome.

The wind blew cold, and white stretched out all around them.  
______________

It was snowing when Caleb fell asleep, and still snowing when he woke for watch. He settled in at the edge of the dome beside Fjord, both of them wordless and still. Frumpkin padded in a circle around the dome, wearing tiny tracks into the newly fallen snow, Fjord's nose twitching every time he passed.

They sat in silence for most of their watch, until Caleb felt his eyes growing heavy, his head nodding briefly before he jerked back to alertness, finding Fjord's eyes on him. He let a guilty lopsided smile cross his face, reaching up to slap himself lightly on his cheek. Fjord breathed out a laugh, and turned his eyes back to the snow.

"Lot of talk about allies lately," he said finally, eventually, into the quiet. Caleb made a noise of acknowledgement. "About who we can think of trusting."

"Not many people, it seems," Caleb said dryly. "We do seem to gather dubious characters to ourselves." He looked over his shoulder at their sleeping companions with a touch of fondness. "Wonder why that might be."

Fjord chuckled in agreement. "Tough to say who might be dubious in our favor, though," he said. "The calculations of who might be both willing and able to lend a hand, but not so power hungry that they'd be more of a liability than an aid...it's a lot to think about. Essek. Yussa. The Soul. Your old…" he tilted his head to look at Caleb. "Friends?"

Caleb kept his eyes on the snow falling around them. "Astrid and Eadwulf, _ja_ ," he said carefully.

Fjord gave a nod. "Is friends the word?" he asked.

Caleb let out a breath that was somewhere between a sigh and a bitter laugh. "It is a word," he allowed. "Old friends. That is…not inaccurate."

Fjord swallowed, carefully not looking at him. "You were – " He said, before seeming to run out of words. He cleared his throat. "I mean, you all…"

"Yes," Caleb said simply, taking pity on him, not making him finish voicing the thought.

Fjord's jaw went tight. He nodded. "Yeah, I thought…yeah. Okay." He fell silent for a long moment before asking, "How'd you know?"

Caleb turned to look at him. His cheeks were dark in the low light. "Know?" he repeated.

"You know, that it'd…work. All of you together like that."

Caleb let out a harsh little laugh. "It didn't," he said. "There wasn't a plan, Fjord. We stumbled into being together because we needed to. We needed each other like I've never needed anyone or anything since. It wasn't well thought out and strategized. It was probably a mistake. It just _happened_. We were young. We were scared. We had each other."

Fjord nodded, still looking off into the distance. "You think it was?" he asked finally. "A mistake?"

Caleb frowned. "I think…" he fell silent as he considered. "I think that there are things in my life I regret," he said finally, "and being with them is not one of them. It probably wasn't healthy, but it also may have been the least unhealthy thing happening to us at the time."

Fjord nodded. "I get that," he said meaningfully. He darted a glance at Caleb. "I mean," he said quickly, "not _that_ , exactly. Not what happened to you. But finding someone in the middle of a messy situation, and it being…probably not smart, probably not the best thing for you, but the best thing you can do for yourself and them at the time. I've done that. I know what that's like." He looked out into the darkness. "I don't want to be that for Jester."

Caleb felt his jaw go tight. "How do you mean?" he asked, calling on all of his training to keep his voice even.

"I don't want to be a bad decision she makes because she's scared. Because the world might be ending around us. Because she jumps at the first thing on offer instead of waiting for what she really wants." His eyes peered intently through the falling snow. "She thought she wanted me for a long time, when I wasn't ready. And while I was figuring myself out, she was…" he trailed off, and his eyes went to Caleb, sharp and bright in the darkness. "How'd it work?" he asked. "You and your friends?"

Caleb felt his face go hot. "Fjord…" he said weakly.

"I don't mean the _mechanics_ of it, gods!" Fjord said, his face heating up in response. "Just…this whole relationship thing is a mess. I don't know how you'd navigate it with more than one other person."

"It _is_ messy," Caleb said. "At least it was for us. There's…there can be jealousy, and protectiveness, and…I don't know, Fjord, we were so young. We were so messed up. If I was to do it all over again, I think I'd make sure that we _talk_ more." He sighed. "Just talk to her, Fjord. Don't talk to me. Have this conversation with her. Know what she wants, and decide for yourself if that's something that you can give her."

Fjord looked troubled. "And if it's not?"

"Then you decide together where to go from there."

"What if…" Fjord began, but he trailed off.

Caleb leaned sideways, letting his shoulder bump against Fjord's. "You're a good man. You care about her. That's a good place to start. The rest of it, you'll figure out."

Fjord stared off into the darkness for a long moment. "I hope so," he said finally, quietly. "I don't want to fuck this up."

Caleb nodded. There was a part of him that wanted to offer some kind of reassurance, but he found that he didn't have any to give. Instead, he fell quiet and looked out into the snow falling gently around them.

It was a long time before Fjord spoke again. "Caleb?" His voice was low, hesitant, and when Caleb turned to him, he found that Fjord was sitting closer than he'd realized, his eyes sharp and bright in the darkness.

" _Ja_ , Fjord?" Caleb replied in a matching tone.

Fjord swallowed. "I. Uh." His eyes shifted away. "Thanks." It hadn't been what he meant to say, and there was a part of Caleb that wanted to push, wanted to brush aside the offering of gratitude to get at whatever Fjord was concealing beneath it.

Instead, he let a quiet smile cross his face, reached out, and clapped Fjord on the shoulder. "Come on," he said. "You get Caduceus. I'll wake Yasha. Let's get some sleep."

Fjord gave him a lopsided grin, relief washing through it. "Yeah," he agreed gruffly. "Night, Caleb."

"Sleep well, Fjord."

He curled into the spot that Yasha vacated beside Beau, and he fell asleep to the sound of Fjord's restless shifting slowly evening out into stillness across the dome.  
_______________

Another day, another exhausting trek through the cold. The campsite that night felt too full, too crowded, with too many eyes on him, so Caleb found himself settling down just outside the perimeter of the light, leaning against a rock, eyes on the flames as plans and contingencies whirled through his head.

He was deep in thought when Jester appeared at his side, holding out a steaming mug. "Cocoa?" she offered.

He reached to wrap his fingers around it, feeling the warmth trickle through his thick gloves into his fingers. "Thank you," he said, looking up at her. She was dazzling, even in the distant firelight.

"Oh, I didn't make it," she said. "Caduceus did." She flopped down beside him, careful not to slosh her own cocoa onto her coat. She propped her chin on a hand, looking him over. "You're thinking hard," she said.

He smiled faintly. "There is a lot to think about."

"Yeah," she agreed. She looked moodily towards the campsite before brightening a little. "Hey, Fjord said you gave him some _pretty_ good advice last night," she said.

He gave her a half smile. "I tried."

"You're so wise, Caleb," she said. She let her head tip against his shoulder, and he stiffened. "We talk about how wise Caduceus is all the time, but you are, too. You know a lot of things."

He gave a low laugh. "I know what I get from books, Jester. I am not wise. I am learned."

"None of what you said to Fjord came from a book," she pointed out. 

He felt his face heat up. "He told you what we talked about?"

"A little, yeah," she said. "I didn't realize, you know. I kept bringing up Astrid, and you'd talk about Eadwulf, too, and I never really thought that…" She lifted her head. "I mean, I figured you'd banged," she said, almost defensively, and he felt a startled laugh rise up out of him. "I just didn't realize it was all at the same time."

" _Ja_ ," he agreed weakly, "it was all…it was the same. I was in one relationship, with both of them."

She nodded. "My mama has some patrons like that," she said easily. "Seems kind of nice, you know? Sharing someone you love like that. Knowing that there's another person who loves them and knows them like you do."

He looked off into the distance. "It is," he said quietly. "It can be." He sighed. "I don't know, Jester," he said. "Like I said to Fjord, it was messy. We were young, and scared, and I am the last person that either of you should be asking about any of this."

"Okay, Caleb," she said. She leaned her shoulder against his. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

He nodded gratefully. He knew that he should pull away from her, but instead, he let himself stay there, feeling the solid warmth of her pressing against his side as he watched the flames lighting their friends' faces in the distance.

It felt like the closest to peace that had felt in a very long time.  
______________

Reading the book was an inevitability. 

Possibilities and alternate pathways had been on his mind for some time, but he found it hard to picture a universe in which he and Beau would not have given into their curiosity, would not have tried to gather every bit of information they could from Lucien and the temptation he carried with him.

His hands shook as he reached for Beau's hand, tilting it so she could see the eye printed there. By the time he turned to examine his own, they were steady, clinical in their detachment.

It took a long time for them all to settle back down, for the questions and speculation to fade away, for everyone to tuck themselves back into their own corners of the room, tension still thrumming between all of them. When he finally closed his eyes, he didn't see the eye. Instead, he found himself searching for it. His head ached with the intensity of peering into the blackness behind his eyelids, peering out for any sign of the red glow. Relaxation was impossible. Veth was curled against him, clinging tightly like she had in the old days, soft snores gusting out against his chest, warming him through his shirt. He held her, and he didn't sleep.

He opened his eyes into the darkness. 

The room was quiet and still, and suddenly he needed to move, to shift, to do anything other than lie there waiting for sleep that felt like it may never come. Sleep that felt like a threat, even if he did succeed at finding it. He extracted himself from Veth and sat up, leaning back against the wall, curling his knees up to his chest and pulling them in tight enough to his body to send a dull ache through his muscles. Fjord's eyes were steady on him from across the room, his brows knit with concern.

"Dreams?" he mouthed, and Caleb shook his head.

"Haven't slept," he responded soundlessly.

Fjord gave him a sympathetic grimace. His eyes shifted for a few moments between their sleeping companions before settling back on Caleb. He lifted a shoulder in half a shrug and patted the space beside him, an offering of quiet companionship.

Caleb looked around as well. Veth was still snoring gently at his side, Caduceus curled into a ball by the door. Jester was wrapped protectively around Beau on the bed, Yasha sitting up beside them, her head tipped back against the covers, eyes closed. One of her hands rested on her shoulder, and Beau's fingers were tangled into it, the red of the eye on the back of her hand not glowing, but visible even in the darkness.

Caleb shuddered, and shifted across the room toward Fjord.

Fjord was watching Beau as well as Caleb settled in beside him. "Think she's dreaming?" he asked in a low voice.

"I hope not," Caleb replied.

Fjord's eyes turned to him, bright in the darkness. "It's supposed to be the safest thing, right? Sleeping? Supposed to heal us, leave us rested." He let out a low, bitter laugh. "There's still nights when I can't make myself close my eyes," he admitted.

"It never goes away," Caleb said. It was half a question, half agreement. 

"Never does." 

They lapsed into silence, and sat there beside each other for a long time. Caleb felt his eyes getting heavy, kept catching his head dropping forward to his chest or back against the wall and shaking himself back into alertness.

"Hey," Fjord said as Caleb startled upright yet again. His hand clasped against Caleb's shoulder, covering the eye through his thin shirt. Caleb moved to jerk away, but Fjord's hand was warm and solid and grounding around the patch of skin that he could no longer feel, so instead he made himself keep still and meet Fjord's eyes. "It doesn't go away, but it does get better. I don't know about this, exactly - " his finger tapped against the eye, "but I know dreams. And I know that the time's going to come when you're not always afraid to close your eyes anymore."

The corner of Caleb's lips curved into a smile. "You had some help that I don't anticipate receiving," he pointed out, his eyes dropping to Fjord's crest of the Wildmother. 

Fjord followed his gaze and smiled faintly. "Nah, it wasn't her," he said. "At least, not just her. It was being around all of you, too." His eyes sought out Caduceus first, then Jester, before passing across the others as he looked back to Caleb. "We've got your back. Whatever you dream about, when you wake up, we're here."

Caleb swallowed tightly and reached up to wrap a hand around Fjord's where it still rested against his shoulder. He squeezed tightly, briefly. "Thank you," he said, the words coming out strained and hollow.

Fjord lifted his hand and gave Caleb a smack on the bicep, below the eye. "Go lie down," he said. "Close your eyes and don't open them 'til morning, sleep or no sleep. Let your body rest, at least."

Caleb considered arguing, insisting that he could stay up and keep watch with Fjord, but a wave of exhaustion hit him, and suddenly it felt like it would be so easy to just follow what Fjord had suggested. He nodded obediently, holding Fjord's eyes for a long, significant, grateful moment, and dragged himself wearily back across the room. He curled up beside Veth, who wrapped around him like she had been starving for his heat, and the last thing he saw before closing his eyes was the yellow glint of Fjord's gaze, sweeping across the room, keeping watch over all of them.  
______________

They woke. They traveled. They fought, and they won. 

They fought again, and they lost.

Every part of him hurt as he cast the dome.

The eagle form had cushioned him from feeling the worst of it, but as soon as he let it drop to start casting, the pain and exhaustion came flooding back into him. As he felt the dome spring into existence around him, he let himself fold down sideways directly into the snow where he sat, not even opening his eyes as the others joined him.

He felt Veth's small hand press to his shoulder, heard the ground crunch beside him as she knelt down. "You okay, Lebby?" she asked.

"No." The word ground out of him painfully.

He felt another hand touch the base of his neck, sending a weak pulse of healing melting through him. He dragged his eyes open and rolled over just far enough to see Fjord pulling his hand back. 

He gave an apologetic little shrug. "I don't have much left," he said regretfully.

"Thank you," Caleb said with feeling, and let his eyes drift closed again, his body curling in defensively on itself. Veth lay out their bedrolls and dragged him onto them, fitting herself into his arms. He held her tightly, burying his face against her hair.

He didn't quite fall asleep yet, but he drifted on the sounds of the others settling down around him, their quiet conversations that he didn't bother to follow, letting their voices flow nonsensically around him.

He was nearly asleep when he felt shifting behind him, then the heavy weight of Jester's arm draping around his waist. His breath caught, mind suddenly sharp and awake. Her movements were slow and drowsy, and he wanted nothing more than to lean back against her, to curl into her strong grasp and fall asleep with her holding him, drift off to the soft comforting motion of her breaths…

No.

"Jester," he said sharply, loud in the sleepy silence of the dome. Her whole body startled against him. He steadied his voice, dropping it back down to a whisper. "Please don't." She didn't reply, so he let out a great sigh and rolled over to look at her. There was a knot of confusion and hurt above her eyes that he wanted nothing more than to reach up and soothe away with a touch of his thumb. "Not tonight," he said more gently. "Please?"

She nodded, still looking at him, waiting for more of an explanation, but he didn't offer one. Instead, he looked past her shoulder to Fjord. He was already fast asleep, his face pressed into Jester's neck, mouth falling open, baring his tusks. He looked peaceful, vulnerable.

"Okay, Caleb," she whispered back, looking pained as she retrieved her arm. "Sorry."

"Good night, Jester," Caleb said roughly. He turned back over, and he curled himself around Veth well out of range of Jester's grasp.

It was a long time before he finally fell asleep.  
______________

The journey to the outpost was harrowing, but having solid walls and armed guards surrounding them was a relief, a tiny respite in a sea of tension. Essek knowing as little as he did was also its own kind of strange blessing, setting them at ease that he was not in Eiselcross to exploit the ruins for his own gain, but leaving them again with too many threads of possible allies to reach out to. The washing facilities available were minimal, and Caleb was still longing for a good long soak in a tub as he made his way back to their room, but he had at least succeeded in scrubbing away the worst of the grime from their travel and battles. He was tying up his damp hair as he reached the door, and nearly walked directly into Jester as she emerged.

"Oh!" they both exclaimed, stepping awkwardly around each other as the door clicked closed behind her.

"Sorry!" she gasped out breathlessly, catching herself on his arm. He reached to hold her up, letting his hair fall loose around his shoulders.

"'s'okay," he said, waiting until she had steadied herself before he went to pull his hand away. Instead, her fingers closed down on it, holding onto him, looking at him with a furrow between her brows.

"Caleb, wait," she said. He looked down at their clasped hands, her blue fingers twining between his. "I'll stay on the other side of the room tonight," she said in a small voice.

"Oh, Jester," he exhaled. There was a part of him that knew it would be easier to leave it at that, to take the offered reprieve from waking up to the feeling of her body pressed against his. Instead, his hand lifted to her cheek, almost without his permission. He brushed her skin with his thumb. "You don't need to do that. I was…I _am_ tired. I needed sleep, and I…" he swallowed. "Sometimes it is not the most restful for me, to be in such a small place with so many people."

She looked at him hesitantly. "You don't mind, then?" she asked. "That I'm kind of a cuddly sleeper?"

"I…" he said. He let his hand drop from her face and scrubbed at the back of his neck with it. "It's cute," he said, his voice coming out a little gruff. Her face lit up, and he felt himself give her a twisted little smile. "I don't mind, no," he said. It was true and not true at the same time, his body desperately wanting to feel her pressing against it, his mind full of a formless dread every time he woke to feel her wrapped around him. He looked toward the door. "Does Fjord - " he hesitated. "Will you be saving some more of your cuddles for him now?"

"Oh." Her cheeks flushed a darker blue. She seemed to consider it. "No, I don't think so. Not when we're all staying together, at least. It's hard not to snuggle with people when we're in the dome, isn't it? Anyway, Fjord's a good big spoon, but it's warmer to have a little spoon, too." She beamed at Caleb. "You're very good at being a little spoon."

He felt his cheeks heat up to match hers. "Ah," he said, looking down at his feet. "Uh. Thank you? I think?"

"Oh, it's definitely a compliment," she assured him. She fell quiet, and when he was finally able to look up at her, her eyes were narrowed, scrutinizing. "Wait," she said slowly. "Caleb, you...you're not worried that Fjord is going to get _jealous_ , are you?"

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Jester," he said. "I don't - " He took a moment to gather his thoughts. "No," he said finally. "That is not my primary concern. But yes, it does worry me a little."

Some of the darkness cleared from her face. "Oh, well you don't have to worry about _that_ ," she said. "Just because Fjord and I are…" she smiled a little giddily. "Well. I don't know what word we're using. We haven't really talked about it. But just because I kiss Fjord doesn't mean I can't cuddle with the rest of you. And he _especially_ doesn't care when it's you." Caleb winced at that. It was one thing to know that she would never be interested enough in him for him to be any kind of threat to their relationship, but it still hurt, hearing the words aloud. "I mean," she continued, not taking notice of his expression, "he's probably just as likely to end up snuggling you as I am."

Caleb blinked. "What?" he asked. He thought back over their nights in the dome, and couldn't remember any when he had woken up with Fjord tangled up with him. The closest they had ever slept, now that he was considering it, was the night when the eye had appeared, when he'd woken to find Veth still wrapped around him and Fjord stretched out like a barrier between the two of them and the door, his side lightly pressing to Caleb's back.

"Well, you know," she said easily. "'cause he cares about you." She took in Caleb's skeptical expression and laughed. "Okay, yeah, he doesn't say it as much as I do, but you know that he does, right?" She reached a finger up to catch against the Ioun stone floating in lazy circles around his head. "He bought you this, Caleb," she said. "He wants to protect you."

"He wants to protect all of us. I am not special."

"You _are_ , though," she insisted. "I mean, you know that he – " A furrow appeared between her brows. "Wait." She looked at him searchingly, and her eyes went wide. "You _don't_ know, do you?"

Caleb frowned. "Know what?"

"Fjord said he talked to you, like _ages_ ago. About…" she gestured significantly, and when he continued to look at her blankly, she sighed. "You know, about, like…your friends. Astrid and Eadwulf."

"Oh. Yes, we talked about them."

"No, I mean…he said he talked to you about…how relationships like that can work."

"He was asking me for relationship advice, yes," Caleb agreed. He smiled wryly. "Not the ideal person to ask, of course, but he did. And _ja_ , that…" He felt himself flush a little. "Well, that is the only relationship that I have had experience with, so that is what I had to offer him." He held his hands out. "It is more complicated with three people, yes, but the only advice I had for him was that he should be talking to you, not to me."

Her face fell as he went on, until she looked utterly crestfallen when his words trailed off. "Oh," she said miserably. "I thought he – " she looked around them, suddenly seeming to remember the hallway they were standing in. Her eyes fell on the storage room door, and she let out a heavy sigh. "Oh, I don't want to do this _here_ , Caleb," she said. She took his hand again. "Sometime in the next few days, when we're in Nicodranus, or Rexxentrum, or the tower, we're going to find you, okay? And we're going to have a talk."

He could feel his heart surging in his chest, trying not to focus too hard on the implications of what she could possibly be saying. "I – " he said weakly. " _Ja_ , Jester, of course. Find me when you like."

"Okay," she said. She looked like she wanted to say something else, but instead she just said, "Okay," again, more definitively. She leaned in and pecked a quick kiss against his cheek before giving his hand one last squeeze and stepping past him toward the washroom.

He stood alone in the hallway for a long time before returning to the room, and when he did, his eyes caught on Fjord, deep in a low conversation with Caduceus. He hadn't considered it before, the distance that Fjord seemed to keep between them when they would sleep in the dome, the ways in which his physical contact with Caleb had always been so controlled, but now that Jester had made him consider it, he found his mind categorically sifting back through his memories, resting on each moment and reconsidering the context.

Fjord's eyes met his, and Caleb shifted his own guiltily away, settling down beside Veth.

She gave him an appraising sniff. "Oh, you do smell better," she said.

"Just wait 'til I get a bath," he told her, looping an arm around her and pulling her close.

"You don't want to do that," she warned, squirming against his grip. "I haven't cleaned up yet."

He shrugged, not moving his arm from around her. "You've smelled worse," he said.

She laughed. "You're not wrong," she said brightly. She sniffed herself dubiously. "I'll have to get myself in better shape before I see the Mr. tomorrow, though."

"Ah, he wouldn't care," Caleb pointed out.

She beamed. "He wouldn't, would he?"

"He'll just be happy to see you."

"Yeah," Veth agreed vaguely. She looked troubled as her eyes traveled around the room, taking in the others settling in. "Yeah." She let her head tilt against Caleb's chest, and she didn't say anything more.

Caleb let her keep her silence, and he also looked around at the others, careful not to let his eyes catch for too long on Fjord. He pulled out his spellbook, and by the time Jester returned, he was deep in contemplation, and almost didn't notice her settling down at Fjord's side, or the way his arm curled comfortably around her, or the low and intense conversation they fell into.

Almost, but not quite.

He kept his eyes on his work, and he tried not to allow himself to hope.  
______________

The bar was bustling, but not full, and the bartenders turned to their party delightedly when they noticed Jester among them. Veth, Yeza, and Luc had disappeared after dinner, Beau and Yasha peeled off as soon as they had drinks in hand, and Caduceus took a few sips of something fruity before declaring that he was going to take a walk past the lighthouse, leaving Caleb and Fjord alone at the bar beside Jester, who was chatting up the bartender, telling an elaborate and only half-invented tale about fighting the white dragon.

Fjord slung an arm companionably around Caleb's shoulder, clinking his tankard against Caleb's glass. "It'll be good," he said, leaning heavily against Caleb's side. "Having some time to regroup."

"It will," Caleb agreed, bracing himself on a nearby chair to help him take Fjord's weight. Fjord grinned at him from too close. His hand dropped to squeeze against the back of Caleb's neck, right where the muscles were tightest, digging in. Caleb groaned, his eyes fluttering shut as his head dropped forward, luxuriating in the relief of Fjord's touch. 

"I think we all need a break," Fjord said.

" _Ja_ ," Caleb agreed vaguely, his voice coming out hitched and strained. "I know that I do."

Fjord clapped him on the back before letting his hand drop away. "Yeah, you're strung pretty tight," he said.

"You should get a massage!" Jester said brightly, turning her attention back to them, her tale completed. She flopped down into the chair Caleb was holding onto, squishing his fingers against the back of it. His eyes flew open. "Some of the people here are _pretty_ good at it! Or you could open up the tower and get some kitties to walk on you. Oooh," her eyes turned to Caleb. "Are you going to set up the tower here? I would _love_ to show Mama my room."

"I already did," he said. He straightened up, pulling his fingers out from behind Jester. "I opened a door in the suite we were given, in case anyone wanted to make use of anything inside while we are here."

"Oh, thank you, Caleb!" she cried, bouncing to her feet again and darting a kiss against his cheek. "Mama!" she called across the room, bounding in the direction of the corner where the Ruby was drinking quietly. "You have to see the _beautiful_ room that Caleb built for me!"

Caleb watched her go, a faint smile playing at his lips. He settled into the chair that she had vacated and took a long sip of his drink.

"Not going to go give the tour?" Fjord asked.

"I think Jester can handle it," Caleb replied. He leaned back in his chair, reaching a hand to rub at the spot Fjord had squeezed on his neck. "I don't know that I'm up to the pleasantries right now."

"Yeah," Fjord said heavily. "It's been a rough few days." He drank quietly for a few moments before turning to Caleb, looking at him intently.

"Yes?" Caleb asked without turning.

"Jester said…" Fjord looked down into his ale for a long time before finishing it off and setting the tankard aside. "She said she talked to you last night."

"She did," Caleb agreed. "Mostly what she said was that we needed to talk."

Fjord nodded. "We do, yeah. I think I made a mess of things, a while back. I meant to have one talk with you, and I kinda had another. I didn't exactly tell Jester all the details, and I think she maybe got the wrong impression."

"Ah." Caleb felt the small glimmer of hope that had been starting to blossom within him since his conversation with Jester start to wither. "I see."

"Maybe you don't, though," Fjord said. He settled onto the stool next to Caleb's, turning to face him. Caleb convulsively swallowed down the last of his drink before turning to meet his gaze. "I asked you, a while back, about your friends."

Caleb nodded, "Astrid and Eadwulf, _ja_. You were looking for relationship advice, from possibly the worst source available."

Fjord chuckled. "Actually, the advice you gave was pretty solid. This probably would all be a lot less of a mess if I'd taken it. You said talking was key. Communication. Being on the same page."

Caleb nodded. "I did," he allowed.

"Well. I haven't done that. I got halfway through that conversation, and I…" Fjord looked away. "There were things I couldn't make myself say, and I maybe let Jester think that I'd said them."

Caleb sighed. He reached forward to take Fjord's hand, and Fjord's eyes shifted back up to meet his. "Fjord," he said patiently. "You're still not saying them."

Fjord laughed. "I'm not, am I?" he asked. "Maybe I should have left this part to Jester. She's always got words."

"So many of them," Caleb said fondly, and saw Fjord's lips curl in a matching smile.

"Yeah," he agreed. He gripped Caleb's hand before letting it fall. He braced his palm on the bartop, one of his claws scratching along the woodgrain pattern for a long moment before he started talking. "I didn't really do relationships, before Jester. I'd been with some people, but the closest thing I'd had to it really meaning something was this old shipmate of mine. It was…" he rubbed a hand over his face. "Well, I've talked about it a little. We were there for each other when we needed something, and we were probably pretty bad for each other, ultimately. So yeah, I was looking for relationship advice, but I was also looking for…" He considered for a moment. "For insight into something that you've had and I haven't. See, I took a long time realizing that I wanted to be with Jester. Too long. By the time that I did, well…I thought that she might just be humoring me. That because I was the one to make a move, she was going to settle for me, even though I might not have been what she wanted anymore."

Caleb winced. "She wants you, Fjord."

"I know," Fjord replied. His cheeks went a little darker. "She's made that clear. But I also wasn't wrong. She _had_ started moving on while I was busy having my head up my ass. She was still interested in me, but she was also…" His eyes caught Caleb's and held. "This was the part I couldn't make myself say last time, Caleb."

Caleb could feel his own face going hot. "Fjord," he said weakly. "If you're going to say – "

"She's interested in you, too."

Caleb shook his head. "No," he said flatly. "She's not."

"She is," Fjord replied. "And so am I."

Caleb felt like all the breath had been forced out of him. The lights and sounds of the bar swirled around him.

"Hey," Fjord said, his hand landing warm and solid against Caleb's knee. "Caleb." He leaned in, looking concerned, but all Caleb could see was the piercing light of his eyes, the way his lips caught against his emerging tusks, the soft curl of his hair falling out of its tie and framing his face. He was beautiful. He had always been beautiful, and Caleb had always noticed.

"I…" Caleb said. He made himself shift his eyes away, but when he looked down, all he could see was the spread of Fjord's hand against his leg, wide and grounding. He caught his breath at how badly he wanted to feel those hands all over him. "Fjord." The words scraped out of him painfully. "I _can't_."

He expected an objection, but instead, Fjord straightened, taking his hand back. "Why not?" It was a genuine inquiry rather than a challenge, which put Caleb off balance enough to look back up at him. Fjord was watching him with honest curiosity.

Caleb sighed, trying to find his equilibrium. "You know what I am, Fjord. You know what I've done. You both do."

"Yes," Fjord said simply, waiting for what came next.

Caleb held out his hands. "That should be enough."

Fjord raised his eyebrows. "That's it?" he asked. "That's all you've got for objections? No 'I'm not equipped to deal with a relationship right now'? No 'one of you would be more than enough, there's no way I'm going to put up with both of you'? No 'you're not my type'? Because I've gotta say, those are some objections that I'd respect."

Caleb laughed roughly. "My type extends in a lot of directions," he said. "I'm not sure that I could sell that one."

"So 'I'm not good enough for you' is the best you can offer?" Fjord asked. He leaned in, cupping Caleb's face with a hand. Caleb tilted into it, letting his eyes flutter shut for just a moment, relishing in the solid warmth. He knew he should pull away, put some distance between them, but Fjord's thumb brushed over his lips, and Caleb felt a jolt of arousal burst through him. He drew in a sharp breath. When he opened his eyes, Fjord was watching him hungrily. "I don't think we're going to accept your objection, Caleb."

"No," Caleb agreed faintly. He swallowed. "I don't know that I want you to." 

Fjord's eyes stayed on him, dropping to Caleb's lips, and there was a part of Caleb that wanted Fjord to lean in and kiss him right there, in the middle of the bar. Instead, he said quietly, "Jester…"

Fjord's expression sharpened, and he looked past Caleb to the doorway. He breathed out a laugh. "Yeah," he agreed, clapping his hand lightly against Caleb's face before drawing it back. "You're right. She'd probably end us both if we got started without her." He straightened up a little, but the way he leaned back in his chair made their legs bump together beneath the bar, resting there in each other's space. "She'll be back soon."

He waved a hand for another round, and they busied themselves for a few minutes enjoying their drinks, Caleb unable to keep his eyes off Fjord's lips as they pressed to the edge of his tankard, his hands, wide and strong, his eyes, dancing with anticipation as he returned the frank assessment, his eyes roaming Caleb's face and body like a promise.

It was seven endless minutes later when Jester burst back into the room, her mother trailing elegantly along beside her, their arms looped together.

"She _loves_ my room, Caleb," Jester announced, flinging herself off of her mother and against Caleb's back, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him tight enough to make him breathless.

Marion's eyes fell on Caleb. "It's beautiful," she said mildly, pressing a kiss to the top of Jester's head. "Clearly created especially for my little sapphire by someone who sees her and knows her well." Her eyes crinkled at him in a nearly imperceptible smile. He felt his cheeks heat up, but he gave her an equally imperceptible nod of acknowledgement. "A lot of love went into that room." 

"I didn't show you everyone else's rooms," Jester said, "but Caleb put just as much work into all of them, too. He loves all of us _so much_." She peeled herself off Caleb's back. "His own room is _super_ boring, though," she said, looking at him severely. 

He shrugged mildly. "I don't need much," he said.

"Well." Marion kissed Jester on the side of her head. "I'm sure that you know a few ways to brighten it up for him, if he'd like. I saw all those paints he gave you."

Jester's eyes went wide, and she looked to Caleb with a bright, pleading expression. He laughed. " _Ja_ , Jester," he agreed. "Someday when we have time, you can give me a mural."

"Ooh, you have the _best_ ideas, Mama!" Jester said, squeezing Marion into a hug.

Marion hugged her back. "A lifetime of your inspiration, my darling," she said. "Now, I'm off to an engagement, but I hope you all have a very comfortable stay tonight, and do stop in to see me before you go rushing off in the morning, would you?"

"Of course, Mama," Jester said. "Have fun!"

Marion smiled. "You too," she said, and Caleb thought he caught a hint of just a little too much knowing in her smile as her eyes swept over all of them before she twirled elegantly out of the bar. 

Jester sighed in delight, leaning against Fjord's side. "I've missed my Mama," she said. She tilted her head against his shoulder, eyes falling to Caleb. They narrowed a little as she took in his expression. She stood upright, eyes darting between him and Fjord. "You've been talking without me," she said, turning an accusing finger in Fjord's direction. He caught it, giving it a squeeze, and she giggled. She turned back to Caleb, studying him closer, and her eyes went a little wider. "Oh," she said. She looked back to Fjord. "You've been _talking_."

"Jester…" Caleb said a little helplessly.

"Not here," she said, looking around them at the crowded bar. She dropped her hand to Caleb's, tangling their fingers together, and tugged him up out of his chair. "C'mon, let's go upstairs."

" _Ja_ ," he agreed vaguely. He grabbed for his drink to down the last of it, and felt his breath catch in his throat as he felt Fjord stand from his own chair behind him, his hand falling to Caleb's lower back. He gave Caleb a gentle push forward, toward Jester. Caleb felt himself caught between them, in the best way, in a way he had never allowed himself to truly want, and he felt like he was moving in a dream as he set his glass down and followed Jester out through the bar and up the stairs, Fjord keeping close behind them.

He expected Jester to lead them to her room, but instead she opened the door to the suite that had been reserved for the Nein. As the door swung shut behind them, she turned, stepping into his space, crowding him up against the wall.

"What'd he say to you?" she asked, her voice low, conspiratorial, even though the suite appeared deserted.

Caleb swallowed. "He told me he fucked up," he said. Fjord made a sound of protest beyond Jester. Caleb flashed him a sharp grin before continuing, his expression sobering a little. "A few nights ago, he asked me about…about my old friends. Astrid and Eadwulf. He asked how things worked between us. What he failed to mention was his motivation for asking."

Jester sighed reproachfully, turning to look over her shoulder. "Fjo-ord," she said.

"I tried to say what I meant," Fjord said a little defensively, "but I couldn’t figure out how."

"He has since clarified," Caleb said, drawing Jester's eyes back to him. "He said…" he hesitated, even now feeling his cheeks grow hot at the thought of voicing the words. "He said you both have…interest in me."

"Caleb, of _course_ we do," Jester said. "I thought you realized I was flirting with you like _months_ ago."

He felt himself flush harder. "I suspected," he admitted. "I thought, sometimes, that there were moments…" he looked from her to Fjord. "But then you were together. So I thought I had misinterpreted."

Jester sighed. She wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, sinking her fingers into his hair. "You didn't," she promised. "I had a crush on Fjord, early on, but I thought he wasn't interested in me, and I tried to move on. You're…" her fingers tugged lightly at his hair, and he felt his eyes drift momentarily closed without his permission, the gentle sting sending a streak of arousal through him before he managed to drag them open again to look at her. "You're _interesting_ , Caleb. You're sweet, and intense, and so smart, and you make me laugh, and you love all of us _so_ much. So, yeah. I got a little bit of a crush on you, too. But then Fjord decided to – " she raised her voice, "get his head out of his ass!" Fjord chuckled. "And kiss me. And that was nice. I liked it. I like him. But that doesn't mean I've stopped liking you, too." She lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "I saw _so many_ types of relationships, growing up here. I didn't really think about being with Fjord as something that should make me stop being interested in you. _Especially_ since he's been into you since, like, what, the day we met?" she asked, looking back at Fjord.

His eyes went wide, darting to Caleb's. "Uh," he said. He looked trapped.

Caleb felt his mouth twist into a wicked smile as he turned to Fjord. "Day one, Fjord?" he asked. "I admit, I didn't think your tastes ran to the filthy quite as much as that."

Fjord shrugged. "I'm a sailor," he pointed out. "Dirt's dirt. I know pretty under dirt."

Caleb felt heat rise in his cheeks. "That's exactly what I was trying to avoid," he said. 

"Yeah, I figured that out eventually," Fjord said. "Too late, though, I'd already noticed." He stepped forward, his hand reaching out to touch Caleb's jaw, the same place it had settled in the bar, his thumb brushing roughly over the thick stubble that had started settling across his face during their journey. "I've missed the beard," he admitted.

Caleb let himself enjoy the touch for a moment, but he turned back to Jester, sobering. "There are other reasons, too, Jester," he said seriously. "It's not just Fjord. You know..." he swallowed, and Fjord's fingers brushed his skin softly before his hand dropped away. "You know the person I am. You know the things I have done. I am not..." He couldn't look at either of them. "I am not a good person. You can be good for each other. I..." the words hurt, but he said them anyway. "I don't know that I can be that for you."

Jester cupped his face in her hands, tilting it down to her. "You already are," she said, the words gentle, but her voice strong and sure. She tilted his head down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You may not think you're good, Caleb, but you're good for us." Her smile was soft as she pulled away. "You've already said that we make you better, that you're better with us. So? Be with us, and you'll keep getting better."

Caleb breathed out a choked laugh. "That isn't exactly what I meant."

"I know," Jester said cheerfully. "But I think it might work anyway." She dropped her hands from his face and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug instead, holding him close to her until he finally let his own arms go around her, holding her back, pressing his face into her hair, overwhelmed by a tangle of emotions. She held him for a long time before he felt her shift against him. "Yeah?" she asked.

He swallowed, doubt still coursing through his veins, but he nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. " _Ja_ , Jester," he breathed out, and when his eyes opened, they met Fjord's, watching them both with unaccountable fondness.

"Great!" she said delightedly, pulling back from him and squeezing his arms before stepping out of his space. "Then we _have_ to move this somewhere comfier. Fjord," she said commandingly, "we're using your room."

"My room?" he asked, his eyes moving distractedly away from Caleb. "Why?"

"Because Caleb's is boring, and mine's full of stuff," she said. She strode past him and paused in the to the doorway of the tower, looking back at them expectantly.

Caleb thought of the ninth floor. Of endless possibilities branching out from a single point, of the moments on which millions of possible futures rested. 

He stepped forward, and he took Jester's hand.

The smile she gave him was dazzling, her fingers going tight around his. The light of the atrium was intense as they stepped into it, and he stopped there in the center of the room for a moment, staring up into the home he had made for them, feeling Jester's hand in his, Fjord's body stepping up to press against his back. His fingers tightened convulsively on Jester's. She turned to him, bright and shining in the light of the stained glass, and she stepped closer, her eyes flickering to Fjord before settling back on Caleb.

"Can I kiss you?" she asked, her voice hushed in the wide space of the room.

He swallowed, breath stuttering out unevenly. He didn't turn to look at Fjord, but he could feel his hand settling against Caleb's hip, steadying, reassuring, and he could hear his breath catch too, in anticipation.

" _Ja_ , Jester," he said. "I…I would like that."

She fit herself against him, and he let his arms wrap around her, let himself feel her close and warm and soft in a way he had felt so many times before, but never let himself enjoy the way he wanted to, never let himself indulge in. This time, he held her the way he had always wanted to, like she was precious and strong in his arms, and when her face turned up to his, he didn't make himself turn away.

Her lips were sweet and hesitant as they touched his, searching at first, unbalanced, but when he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, he drew a sharp gasp from her lips, her mouth parting for him, tongue seeking his, her fingers going tight against his back where she held him.

"Oh," she breathed as they broke apart, her words still close enough that he could feel them on his skin. "You're good at that." Her eyes darted past him to Fjord, who, when Caleb turned to him, was watching them both with wide, stunned eyes. "You should kiss him, too," she encouraged.

Fjord let out a choked laugh. "Oh, I mean to," he said. His arms went around Caleb, but before Caleb could turn to face him, he called out "Up!" in a strangled voice.

They floated up together, Fjord holding him, Jester's hand in his, and he felt dizzy by the time they reached the second residential floor. Fjord's arms stayed around him when they landed for a long moment, his head ducking, face pressing to Caleb's hair, pausing there like he wanted to say something, but instead he let Caleb go almost reluctantly, pressing a hand to his back and following Jester toward the door to his room.

A fire was blazing cozily in the hearth when they entered, and Caleb expected Jester to head directly to the bedroom, but instead she flopped down dramatically onto the couch, propping her chin on her arms against the back of it and staring at them. "You should kiss for me," she demanded.

Caleb breathed out a laugh. "For you?" he asked. His eyes went to Fjord's, which were twinkling with laughter back at him in the firelight. "What if I would like to kiss Fjord for myself?"

"That's good too, I guess," she relented. "I just really think you should kiss. Because it would be hot, and because I know you _really_ want to."

Caleb's eyes crinkled up in a smile. "Do you want to kiss me, Fjord?" he asked.

He'd expected an equally teasing answer, but instead, Fjord's expression went intent on him, his eyes dropping to Caleb's lips the way they had at the bar. "Yes," he said roughly, and ducked his head to prove it.

His hands settled against Caleb's hips, wide and strong, pulling him close, and Caleb gasped into his mouth at the intensity of the kiss, the pent up energy behind it. His hands flailed for a moment before finding purchase against Fjord's back, holding him close, meeting the intensity with his own.

They were both breathless when they broke apart, and Caleb was still trying to figure out something to say when Fjord backed him up into the wall, kissing him fiercely, again and again. He felt overpowered in the best way, letting himself melt back against the wall, feeling Fjord's hands all over him, enjoying the rough scrape of his beard against his skin, the tiny catches of his tusks against his lips.

He was panting when Fjord finally pulled back, his fingers tangled helplessly into the back of Fjord's shirt, and he heard Jester breathe out, " _Wow_ ," from the couch.

Fjord blinked a couple of times, focus slowly returning to his eyes, and Caleb could see the moment when his actions caught up to him, the green of his face deepening into a darker shade. "Oh," he said, letting his hands fall from Caleb, "I – "

Caleb reached up, cupping a hand to Fjord's face, and he leaned in for another kiss, swift but heated. "You," he said mildly, "are also good at that." He looked past Fjord to Jester and quirked an eyebrow at her. "And how about you, Miss Lavorre? Was that enough of a show for you?"

She looked dazed. "Mmhm," she replied vaguely, eyes wide. She blinked, seeming to gather herself a little, and looked between them, a wicked smile spreading across her lips. "But maybe I could do with a practical demonstration, too." She looked to Fjord. "You've never kissed _me_ like that." 

"Uh." Fjord stepped away from Caleb, looking uncertain. "I, um." He scrubbed a hand over the back of his neck, looking almost guiltily between them. "I don't want to hurt you, Jessie."

She frowned. "But you're okay hurting Caleb?"

"He didn't hurt me," Caleb said at the same time that Fjord said, "He likes getting hurt." Caleb flushed and looked to Fjord. "That obvious, is it?"

Fjord lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "Yeah," he said mildly. He turned back to Jester. He sighed. "I've spent a lot of time…" he held out his hands, as if displaying the green of them, the curve of his claws. "Keeping control. Making sure people don't see me as a threat." His eyes went to Caleb. "I've…kept space between us," he admitted. "I don't always trust myself, especially…" He swallowed, meeting Caleb's eyes significantly. "In my sleep." Caleb nodded sympathetically, and Fjord let his eyes slide back to Jester. "I let a little of that go with Caleb, just now, and I can do that with you, too, if you like it. If you want me to. We've…" The smile he gave her was a little sad. "We've hardly had any time to do this." He broke away from Caleb and circled the couch, settling down beside Jester and cupping her face with a hand. "From what I've seen from you, you like sweet, and soft, so that's what I've tried to give you. But if you want something a little more like what I just did with Caleb," Caleb could see Fjord's fingers going a little tighter against her skin, could hear the sharp breath she drew in, "I could do that for you, too. Or I could let you do that to me. I want to give you anything you'd like from me."

She lifted her chin in his grasp. "I can take it," she said. She looked between them both. "I'm not fragile, you know."

Caleb laughed. "I don't think anyone would ever mistake you for that," he said. He looked to Fjord before stepping toward them, and when he didn't seem to object, Caleb also circled the couch, settling onto the floor in front of Jester. "It's not about what you can _take_ , though, Jester. It should never be about that." He looked up at her intently. "What do you _want_?"

She looked between them, the furrow in her brow relaxing a little. "I want…" a slow smile crept across her face. "Oh, I want a whole _list_ of things." 

Caleb smiled indulgently. "I like lists," he said.

"I _do_ want you to kiss me like that," she said to Fjord. "You and Caleb have had a chance to figure out what you like already, with other people. I haven't. So I'm going to have to try _all_ of it with the two of you." Caleb felt his face heat up with the thought of that, of trying anything that Jester wanted from him, and when he darted a glance at Fjord, he could see a similarly dazed expression on his face. "I do like sweet, but I might like other things, too, and I'm going to need you to help me figure that out."

Fjord nodded. "I can do that," he said. He looked to Caleb and amended, " _We_ can do that."

"And we'll have things to figure out, too," Caleb added. "I've had some experience, and so has Fjord, but maybe not as much or as varied as you would think." He looked to Fjord for confirmation, who nodded. He reached for Jester's hand, still dumbfounded at the thought that he could just take it, run his thumb over her soft blue skin, look up into her eyes as he continued, "We'll all be figuring some things out together."

Jester squeezed his hand back, and used her grip on it to tug him toward her, up onto his knees. She leaned in to kiss him, soft but dirty, her other hand tangling into his hair and holding him close, tugging deliberately on it this time to hear the sharp noise he let out against her lips. "It's gonna be fun," she said when she finally pulled back.

" _Ja_ ," he breathed out softly, settling back onto his heels. "I think it is."

She turned to Fjord then, expectantly, raising her eyebrows and her chin like a challenge, and Fjord didn't spare Caleb a glance before surging across the couch at her, catching her face in his hands, her lips with his, leaning over her and kissing her breathless, his fingers tight against her skin, body crowding her back into the couch. Caleb settled back, and he watched.

It was stunning, intoxicating, seeing the ways the two of them fit together so beautifully, and it sent a sharp pain through his heart with just the memory of seeing them like this over their travels, thinking he was unwelcome, thinking they had eyes only for each other. Instead, as they kissed, Jester's hand reached out blindly, catching Caleb's, holding onto it, and when they broke apart, she dropped her head to the side to sigh out breathlessly at him, " _Wow._ "

He grinned, feeling giddy. " _Ja_ ," he agreed. "Wow."

Fjord flushed, sitting back on his heels on the couch, looking rumpled and used, his hair falling out of its tie, shirt hanging loose and half-undone from his shoulders. Jester reached up to undo it the rest of the way, shoving it off of him, baring his chest and back, scarred and beautiful. She dropped her hands to his hips, and when Caleb looked, he could see Fjord straining against his pants. He felt his mouth water at the sight.

His own body was still catching up to what was happening, still trying to fight its way past the disbelief that had settled deep inside of him, but the sight of them together – Jester's hands roaming over Fjord's bare chest and sides, Fjord's eyes dark and turned on as they moved between Jester and Caleb – was well on its way to inspiring him to match Fjord's arousal.

Jester's head rolled to the side, taking in the sight of him kneeling there beside them, and she reached out, cupping a hand behind his head to reel him in for another kiss. "You look good like that," she said when she pulled away. "On your knees."

He let out a strangled groan, tilting his face into her touch, and he kept his eyes closed but felt her shifting around. When he opened them, she was sitting up, legs on either side of him, Fjord still close to her side, both of them looking down at him, Jester's fingers tilting his chin up, appraising him. Despite the commanding pose, there was a flicker of uncertainty in her gaze when his eyes met hers.

"Would you…?" she said hesitantly, and he pressed his face into her hand, kissing her palm.

"Yes," he breathed out. "Jester, _yes_."

She let her knees fall open, and he reached up, settling his palms against her thighs over her warm leggings. She shivered just at the touch of his hands sliding upward over the fabric, but she reached to help him pull them down, shoving her smallclothes off with them and leaving her bare beneath her skirts, his hands pressing to her soft warm thighs.

He brushed his thumbs over the skin there, feeling her shift in anticipation, and when he looked up, he could see them both staring down at him, Jester curling herself into Fjord's arms, Fjord holding her as he looked down at Caleb with wide dark eyes.

Caleb hesitated only a moment before he leaned in and pressed a kiss to her inner thigh, drawing a sharp gasp from her. Her legs fell open a little further, urging him on, but he was so utterly distracted by the softness of her skin, the taste of her, the smell of her arousal, that he lost himself for a while pressing teasing kisses to her thighs, working upwards until he felt her squirming with impatience above him.

" _Caleb_ ," she finally whined, her hand dropping to his head, fingers curling into his hair, and he leaned into the touch, letting her guide him where she wanted him.

The taste of her was intoxicating, overwhelming, and she was slick and ready for him when his tongue found her, licking a wide stripe upwards and feeling her hips rock up into the touch. She let out a low moan of pleasure, and he heard a strangled gasp from Fjord as well. He teased at first, moving slowly, working her over and learning what she liked until she was writhing in Fjord's arms, crying out, her fingers going tight and insistent in Caleb's hair. She was begging by the time he brought her off, swirling his tongue around her clit, soft incoherent pleas that she half muffled against Fjord's throat, pressing messy kisses there as her hips rolled up to meet Caleb's motions, her whole body going stiff and then slack as she came against his mouth.

He felt dazed as he pulled back, his eyes taking a moment to readjust to the flickering brightness of the room. Jester's hands fell weakly from his hair, and he lifted a sleeve to wipe some of the dampness from his beard as he looked up at them. Jester was grinning down at him, looking pleased and sated, and beside her, Fjord's eyes were wide and intent on him. Caleb opened his mouth, not sure of what he was going to say, but instead Fjord leaned forward, hand closing against Caleb's jaw, reeling him in for a messy kiss, tasting Jester between them. 

They kissed like that for a long time, until Caleb could feel Jester stirring beside them, shifting impatiently. When he pulled back, she was looking down at him hungrily. 

"You do look really pretty on your knees," she said, "but we should move this to the bed. And you're still wearing way too many clothes."

"So are you," Caleb pointed out, tugging at her dress, but he slid his other hand up her bare leg to squeeze at the side of her ass, making her squirm and giggle. 

"We should _all_ get naked," she declared, and shoved herself off the couch, stripping off the rest of her own clothes as she strode toward the bedroom. 

Caleb met Fjord's eyes. He looked utterly stunned and overwhelmed, but he staggered to his feet, offering Caleb a hand up. Caleb took it, letting Fjord pull him upright. Instead of following Jester, he dropped his hands to the hem of Caleb's shirt, dragging it free of his pants. He hesitated, tugging at the fabric but not pulling it over Caleb's head.

"Can I?" he asked.

Caleb considered. He'd spent so long hiding his scars from them, and now there was the eye, staring out malevolently from his skin. There was a part of him that couldn't bear being that reminder for them of the world that existed outside this room. He felt a wave of sickness at the thought of the expressions on Jester and Fjord's faces as they caught sight of it, worried and pitying, draining some of the joy and abandon out of this moment. He winced, and reached for the buttons of his shirt instead, undoing them, letting it hang open around his shoulders.

Fjord nodded understandingly, and he stepped closer, dropping the fabric of the shirt and sliding his hands inside of it, trailing over the skin of Caleb's sides, pulling him in and dropping his face to the crook of Caleb's neck, pressing a deep biting kiss there, marking him and drawing a sharp gasp from his lips.

"C'mon," Fjord said against his skin. "She's waiting for us." He broke away from Caleb and shucked off his pants as he made his way toward the door, Caleb's eyes dropping to admire his ass as he disappeared into the next room.

They were sprawled together on the bed by the time Caleb made it to the bedroom, pants discarded along the way, and he stood in the doorway for a long minute, admiring them together. Fjord was stretched out over Jester, kissing her, her arms and legs around him, one of his hands braced against the bed, the other cupping her breast, thumb grazing over her nipple.

He felt for a brief moment like he was intruding, until Jester's head rolled to the side, her hand dropping from Fjord's back and reaching for him. "Caleb," she said delightedly, her eyes raking over his body. "C'mere."

He did, helpless but to give her anything she wanted. He knelt onto the bed beside her, taking her hand, and he let his other hand drop to the small of Fjord's back, drawing an unexpected gasp and arch of his body from him. 

Caleb watched them together, seeing the way that Fjord would pause to look down at Jester intently before he did anything, the way she was hesitant with her movements at first, then demanding as she discovered what she liked. "Oh," he breathed out. They stopped kissing long enough to look at him. "You…" he gestured to them together. "You haven’t…"

Jester sighed. "There really hasn't been a lot of time," she pointed out. "He _just_ kissed me, and we've been in the dome like _every_ night."

"Oh." Caleb felt his cheeks grow hot, the sensation that he was intruding on them growing stronger. 

Fjord turned to him. "We want you here, Caleb," he said simply. He reached out to pull Caleb in, kissing him tenderly, the way he kissed Jester. 

Caleb swallowed. He looked between them and nodded against Fjord's hand. "I want to be here," he said honestly, which earned him another kiss, deeper this time.

When he and Fjord broke apart, Jester had squirmed out from under Fjord and was sitting beside them, watching intently. "Caleb?" she said. He turned to her, and she scooted closer, taking his face in her hands and turning it to her. "You asked me before what I want. What do _you_ want."

He swallowed, his eyes dropping away from her. "Jester," he said weakly. "I don't…everything that's happening is so far beyond anything I thought I could have. I…"

"But what do you _want_?" she pushed. 

"I want…" He held out his hands. "Both of you." He shrugged helplessly, looking between her and Fjord. "I want to touch you. I want to make you feel good. I want…" he swallowed.

She wiggled her eyebrows. "You want to fuck us?"

He choked on a laugh. "I mean. Yes. I want that." 

She leaned in, close to his ear. "Do you like to fuck, Caleb, or do you like to get fucked?"

He let out a strangled sound, and looked up to find Fjord watching him intently. "I. Uh. Both, Jester. I like both."

She pulled back, beaming. "Oh, good, so does Fjord!" 

Caleb turned, assessing Fjord, imagining both possibilities. Fjord, pounding him into the bed with the same intensity that he'd held him against the wall before, or coming apart under him, shaking and desperate as Caleb drove into him. Fjord's cheeks went darker under Caleb's scrutiny, but he met his gaze steadily.

"Well?" Caleb said to him. "Jester and I have both been asked what we want. What would you like, Fjord?"

"I…" Fjord looked between them helplessly. "I don't know," he admitted. 

Caleb laughed. "Well, Jester," he said, "it sounds like it's back to you. You're the only person who knows what you want in this room."

She looked between them, looking a little hesitant. "If I say what I want," she said, "it doesn't mean I _don't_ want any of the other things. I have _so many_ ideas of things I'd like." She brightened. "I'll have to show you my sketchbook sometime."

Fjord's eyebrows shot up. "You _drew_ this?"

"I mean, I drew _ideas_ ," she said a little defensively. "I draw all my ideas. And I've read a _lot_ of smut books, so I have a lot of ideas."

Caleb's lips curved into a smirk. "Please tell me Artagan hasn't had any input on them."

Jester burst into delighted laughter. "No, but I bet he would if I asked him." She lit up. "Oh, he is going to be _so_ happy for me when I tell him about this!" Caleb and Fjord exchanged a mildly horrified glance, but Jester continued right on without noticing. "Anyway!" She turned her gaze on Fjord, somewhere between shy and flirty. "Fjord? Would you fuck me?"

He choked on his breath, eyes shifting to Caleb. "I – " he said weakly. "Yeah. Yeah, Jester, I'll do that."

She beamed and kissed him, then turned to Caleb. "Caleb?" she asked. 

" _Ja_ ," Jester," he replied.

"Would you fuck Fjord?"

Caleb felt like the breath had been squeezed out of his body. He looked to Fjord, who was staring back at him. " _Ja_ , I would do that, if he would like me to."

She leaned in to kiss Caleb too, her lips sweet and soft, before she pulled away to flop down on her stomach and pull out one of the drawers in Fjord's bedside table. "Do you have any - ? Oh, good, here it is," she interrupted herself, holding up a tiny container.

"Jester!" Fjord objected. 

"What?" she asked, rolling back over, and Caleb found that he couldn't focus on her words with her spread out like that in front of him, bare and blue, freckled all over, her breasts heavy and soft, the edges of her tattoo curling above them. He lost himself in admiring her as she and Fjord bickered back and forth about the oil, until she was crawling down the bed toward him, slapping Fjord on the ass, and Fjord was obediently stretching out in front of her.

She grinned wickedly at Caleb. "I'm going to take care of this part," she said. He swallowed, watching her slick up her fingers, seeing Fjord lay out for her, his legs dropping apart as she nudged them. "Now," she said as she started to touch Fjord, softly at first, just skimming over the cleft of his ass, making his breath catch, his body shift back into her touch, "You're going to have to keep yourself from coming while Caleb is fucking you, because I'm going to want your dick afterwards."

Fjord buried his face in his arms, the groan that he let out wringing off into a gasp as Jester pressed a finger into him.

"Jester," he ground out, but she kept going as if she hadn't heard him.

"I know you can do it," she said. "You're going to do it because I’m asking you to. You do want to give me what I want, don't you?"

Fjord rolled his head to the side, catching Caleb's eye, and Caleb felt a laugh rising up inside of him. He shifted up the bed, reaching to undo the tie in Fjord's hair and run his fingers through it soothingly, commiserating, scratching lightly at his scalp and seeing Fjord's eyes flutter closed before they flew open again as Jester pushed another finger into him. 

"She's evil," Fjord reported in a hitched voice. "I knew this, but somehow I didn't _know_ this."

"Now you know it," Caleb said, laughing, squeezing the back of Fjord's neck. "I'd say I'll go easy on you, but, well…" he smirked.

"You're evil too," Fjord finished. "I guess I have a type."

Caleb chuckled. "You look very pretty like this, Fjord."

Fjord let out a broken laugh. "Now?" he asked. "I'm a mess."

Caleb smiled softly. "I know pretty under mess." He leaned down to give Fjord a filthy kiss, and stayed there beside him as Jester worked him open, letting Fjord grab at him, dig his claws into his skin as he thrashed and arched and fucked himself onto her fingers, until he was desperate and pleading with them both.

"You're up," Jester said finally, looking to Caleb, who extracted himself from Fjord and crawled down the bed to catch Jester in a kiss. They kissed there over Fjord until he was wiggling impatiently under them. Caleb smacked him on the ass as he settled between his legs.

"Up," he commanded, and felt a rush from how quickly Fjord obeyed, even though he moved like his whole body was made of sand, sluggish and unresponsive. "Good," Caleb told him, pressing a hand to the small of his back, where Fjord had appreciated before, and he felt him shiver beneath his hand. "Good," he breathed out again, reaching for some of the oil, drawing in a sharp breath of arousal as he slicked himself up and settled himself against Fjord.

Jester curled against the pillows, taking Fjord's head into her lap, tracing patterns over his back and neck as she watched Caleb intently. He held her eyes as he pushed into Fjord.

Fjord let out a strangled gasp, arching back against him, taking him deeper, and Caleb slowly sank into him, feeling Fjord so hot and so tight around him. He let one of his hands settle against Fjord's hip, fitting to the shape of one of the scars across his side, the other one bracing himself against Fjord's back, holding himself up, grounding them both. 

He started to rock his hips, and Fjord melted under him. His body rolled in time to Caleb's thrusts, fingers tangling into the sheets to hold himself steady, the sounds that he let out muffled into the soft skin of Jester's legs.

She met Caleb's eyes across Fjord's body, and hers were dark and turned on, drinking in the sight of them together.

"Don't come," Caleb reminded Fjord, and he _felt_ the broken sob that Fjord let out, his whole body going tight under him.

"Caleb," Fjord begged, " _Jester_."

"You can do it, baby," Jester told him, her hands soothing over his back, and Caleb fucked him faster, harder, chasing his own pleasure as well as responding to Fjord's pleas.

"Caleb," Fjord repeated eventually, one of his hands untangling from the sheets to come back and grab at him, and that was what finally sent Caleb over the edge, the desperation of the motion, the heat of Fjord's hand closing against his thigh, the sharp pain of his claws digging into Caleb's skin.

Caleb came with a cry, folding down over Fjord's back, and he felt Jester's fingers tangle into his hair, holding him steady as his body shook against Fjord's, pleasure streaking through him. 

He stayed there for a long moment, pressed to Fjord's back, mouthing messy kisses to his skin until he finally gathered the strength to pull out of him and curl onto his side alongside them both. Fjord twisted his head toward him, hand landing warm and heavy against the back of Caleb's head, dragging him in for a hard, desperate, claiming kiss.

When he pulled back, he turned his attention to Jester, and Caleb watched, curling exhaustedly into his corner and seeing only flashes – Jester's hands curling around Fjord's back, pulling him close to her, Fjord eventually gathering the strength to climb onto her, both of them moaning aloud as he sank into her, her legs wrapping around him, dragging him close, his hips moving slowly at first and then faster, harder, snapping into her until she was arching under him, her claws digging marks into his back.

One of her hands dropped to the side, clutching desperately for Caleb, and he grabbed onto it, holding her steady, pressing kisses to her fingers as she fell apart under Fjord once and then again. The second time, Fjord followed her, burying his face against her neck, muffling his cries in her skin as he fucked her hard and fast, his hips stuttering to a frozen halt as he shattered. 

Caleb lifted his other hand to rub across Fjord's back as his breath slowly evened out, and his whole body shuddered at the touch, leaning into it, his head turning to the side so his eyes could meet Caleb's, dazed and incredulous.

He rolled off, eventually, settling Jester between them, and Caleb pressed kisses to her shoulder as he watched them both struggle back to alertness. Jester managed first, rolling over to kiss him back, then grabbing Fjord's arm, tugging it around her.

"'m gonna spoon you both tonight," she said delightedly. She grabbed at Caleb's hip until he rolled, settling himself into her arms. She yawned hugely. "Oh, I'm _tired_."

"It's been a long few days," Caleb said. 

"And a long past hour or so," Fjord pointed out.

Jester breathed out a laugh. "Mm," she agreed. "I get to check a couple things off the list."

Caleb could hear the fondness in Fjord's voice as he let out a mumble of agreement. "Hope that doesn't mean we don't get to do them again," he said. His hand reached across her to close around Caleb's hip, and Caleb felt a shiver run through him.

Jester laughed. "Of course not, Fjord," she said sleepily. "We can do that again anytime you want." Her words faded off indistinctly toward the end of her sentence. 

Caleb heard Fjord kiss her lightly. "Night, Jester," he said, his voice thick with affection.

Caleb made a few gestures, cleaning them up, putting out the lights. He lay awake for a long while, part of him luxuriating in the feeling of being able to accept the warm curl of Jester's arm around him, the rest of him staring into the darkness of the room, dreading the red glow of the eye when he closed his eyes to sleep.

He shifted a little in Jester's arms, looking past her to Fjord, and found him awake as well, his eyes on Caleb.

His hand reached to close around Caleb's shoulder, firm and warm and reassuring through his shirt. "Sleep," he said, his voice gruff and tired. "We'll be here." He closed his own eyes, pressing his face into Jester's hair, and he fell asleep with his hand still clasping onto Caleb.

Caleb stayed curled in Jester's arms, and he watched them sleep for a long while. It was another moment of recognition, like the one he had experienced days before in the cold, with the snow falling gently down on top of the dome. Jester was against Fjord's chest, his arm around her. They were comfortable in each other's space, her body folding slack and trusting against his side, his head tilting to rest against hers, careful of the horns.

And this time, gathered into her arms was Caleb, warm and protected, fitting there like another piece of their puzzle. He closed his eyes, feeling her arm go tighter around him in her sleep, and he _knew_.

_Oh._


End file.
